Speech, in its many forms, holds a significant place in human interaction. It is a primary means by which we communicate, express thoughts, and convey emotions. For the Christian, speech is not merely a neutral tool but a moral and spiritual instrument with the potential for both tremendous good and profound evil. The Scriptures abound with exhortations and warnings concerning the use of the tongue, highlighting its capacity to edify or destroy, bless or curse, and lead others towards or away from the truth of the Gospel. This potential for good in speech should inspire us, as it shows that our words have the power to uplift, encourage, and bring others closer to God.
This blog post explores the concept of self-control in speech from a Biblical and theological perspective. Drawing primarily from Proverbs 15:1-2, James 1:26, James 3:2-12, Matthew 12:34, and Proverbs 15:23, we will examine how the Bible instructs believers to manage their words and what implications this has for the Christian life. These passages will delve into the significance of controlling one’s tongue, the consequences of failing, and the virtues that undergird godly speech.
Proverbs 15:1-2: The Wisdom of Gentle Speech
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness” (Proverbs 15:1-2, ESV).
The Book of Proverbs, a cornerstone of Biblical wisdom literature, offers profound insights into the ethical and moral dimensions of speech. In Proverbs 15:1-2, we encounter a juxtaposition of gentle and harsh words, wise and foolish speech, that guides the believer in cultivating self-control.
A Soft Answer Turns Away Wrath: The first verse presents a scenario where a gentle response has the power to de-escalate conflict. The Hebrew word translated as “soft” can also imply something tender or gentle, and it starkly contrasts with a harsh word, which provokes anger. The wisdom here is clear: a soft and measured reply can diffuse tension and foster peace in the face of wrath. This principle is further illustrated in other Biblical passages, such as in Judges 8:1-3, where Gideon’s soft answer quells the anger of the Ephraimites, avoiding unnecessary conflict.
As Bruce Waltke comments, “Soft speech is like oil on bruised skin to soften and heal it; painful speech has the effect of oil poured on fire.” The imagery here is vivid: as oil soothes wounds, so does gentle speech heal relational fractures, while harsh words only exacerbate them. It explains the Christian ethic of responding with grace rather than reactivity. This trait reflects the character of Christ and is essential in maintaining unity within the Church and peace in interpersonal relationships.
The Tongue of the Wise Uses Knowledge Rightly: The second verse of Proverbs 15 further elaborates on the role of wisdom in speech. It suggests that a wise person possesses knowledge and knows how to apply it appropriately in conversation. The ability to use knowledge rightly implies discernment in speech, knowing when to speak, what to say, and how to say it. This discernment is contrasted with the “mouth of fools,” which, as the text states, “pours forth foolishness.” The imagery of a fountain “pouring forth” suggests an uncontrolled outflow, indicating that foolish speech is often reckless and unmeasured, lacking the restraint and consideration that wisdom demands.
The wisdom literature of the Bible frequently cautions against the dangers of unrestrained speech. In Proverbs 10:19, we are reminded that “when words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” This emphasis on restraint aligns with the broader Biblical teaching on the importance of self-control, particularly in our speech, which is a reflection of our inner life and character.
James 1:26 and James 3:2-12: The Moral and Spiritual Imperative of Taming the Tongue
The Epistle of James offers one of the most comprehensive New Testament teachings on the tongue’s power and the necessity of controlling it. James’ concern with the integrity of faith and practice is evident throughout his letter, and nowhere is this more apparent than in his discussion of the tongue.
If Anyone Thinks He Is Religious: James 1:26 challenges the notion of religion that is purely external or ceremonial. The verse states, “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” Here, James critiques those who profess to be religious yet fail to control their speech. The word “bridle” suggests the need for deliberate restraint and control, much like how one would control a horse. The failure to bridle the tongue renders one’s religion “worthless,” indicating that true religion must impact every aspect of one’s life, including one’s speech.
This warning is a stark reminder that piety is not merely about outward observance but about the transformation of the heart, which must manifest in how we speak. According to James, the unbridled tongue is a sign of self-deception and reveals a disconnect between one’s professed faith and actual conduct.
The Power and Danger of the Tongue: In James 3:2-12, the apostle expands on the theme of the tongue’s power, using vivid metaphors to illustrate its potential for both good and harm. He writes, “For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body” (James 3:2, ESV). James acknowledges the difficulty of perfect speech, noting that if one can control the tongue, one can control the entire body. The analogy of the bit in a horse’s mouth and the rudder of a ship underscores the disproportionate influence of the tongue relative to its size.
James then warns of the tongue’s destructive potential, likening it to a fire: “The tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell” (James 3:6, ESV). The imagery of fire highlights the tongue’s capacity to cause widespread damage, both in the speaker’s life and in the lives of others. Moreover, James suggests that the tongue is “set on fire by hell,” implying that unchecked speech can be a tool of evil, capable of spreading sin and discord.
The passage concludes with a reflection on the inherent contradiction in the misuse of the tongue: “With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God” (James 3:9, ESV). James emphasizes the moral and spiritual inconsistency of using the same tongue to both bless God and curse others, calling it an unnatural contradiction. This teaching challenges believers to align their speech with their faith, ensuring that their words consistently reflect their commitment to God’s righteousness.
Matthew 12:34: The Heart-Speech Connection
Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 12:34 provides a critical insight into the relationship between the heart and speech. Addressing the Pharisees, He declares, “You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34, ESV). This statement highlights a fundamental principle in Biblical ethics: our words directly reflect our inner spiritual condition.
Out of the Abundance of the Heart: Jesus’ words underscore the idea that speech is not merely a surface-level activity but is deeply connected to the state of one’s heart. The phrase “out of the abundance of the heart” suggests that what fills and overflows from our hearts will inevitably come out in our speech. Therefore, if one’s heart is filled with evil, deceit, or malice, it will be impossible for that person to speak good consistently. Conversely, a heart filled with the love of God, humility, and truth will naturally produce edifying speech that reflects those virtues.
This teaching places a profound responsibility on believers to guard their hearts, knowing that their speech is a window into their souls. Proverbs 4:23 echoes this sentiment: “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” The condition of our heart directly influences our words, which in turn affect our relationships, witnesses, and ultimately, our relationship with God.
Proverbs 15:23: The Joy of a Well-Timed Word
“To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!” (Proverbs 15:23, ESV).
Proverbs 15:23 offers a positive reflection on the power of speech, highlighting the joy and goodness that come from a well-timed and appropriate word. The verse emphasizes the importance of what we say and when and how we say it.
A Word in Season: The concept of a “word in season” suggests that timing and context are crucial in effective communication. A timely and appropriate word can bring the speaker and listener joy. This verse reminds us that wisdom in speech is not only about content but also about sensitivity to the context and needs of the moment.
The ability to give an “apt answer” is a mark of discernment and emotional intelligence, both of which are rooted in a deep understanding of and relationship with God. A well-timed word can offer encouragement, provide clarity, and even prevent conflicts. It aligns with the broader Biblical principle that speech should be edifying and build others up according to their needs, as Paul instructs in Ephesians 4:29: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
The Virtues Underlying Godly Speech: Humility, Patience, and Love
The Biblical exhortation to control one’s speech is undergirded by several key virtues that are essential to the Christian life. These include humility, patience, and love—virtues that reflect Christ’s character and enable believers to exercise self-control in their words.
Humility: Humility is the recognition of our dependence on God and the acknowledgment of our own limitations and sinfulness. It is the opposite of pride, which often leads to rash and hurtful speech. A humble heart is more likely to listen before speaking, to consider the impact of words, and to speak with a sense of reverence for the other person’s dignity and worth. Proverbs 18:13 warns, “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame,” highlighting the wisdom of humble restraint in speech.
Patience: Patience, closely related to humility, is the ability to endure provocation, delay, or hardship without becoming angry or upset. It is a fruit of the Spirit that is essential for controlling the tongue. A patient person is slow to speak and quick to listen, as James 1:19 instructs: “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” Patience allows for thoughtful and measured responses, rather than reactive and potentially harmful words.
Love: Love is the virtue that should govern all Christian speech. As Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13:1, “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.” Love seeks the good of the other and is willing to sacrifice self-interest to build up others. Loving speech is kind, considerate, and truthful, seeking to reflect the love of Christ in every interaction.
Conclusion
The Biblical teaching on speech is both profound and challenging. The power of the tongue, as outlined in Scriptures such as Proverbs 15:1-2, James 1:26, James 3:2-12, Matthew 12:34, and Proverbs 15:23, cannot be overstated. Our words can bring life or death, build up or tear down, reflect the character of Christ, or betray our sinfulness.
The call to self-control in speech is ultimately a call to reflect the image of God in every aspect of our lives, including our words. This self-control requires a heart that is transformed by the grace of God, filled with His love, and guided by His wisdom. As we seek to grow in Christlikeness, let us be mindful of our words, striving to ensure that they reflect the One who is “full of grace and truth” (John 1:14, ESV). By doing so, we honor God and become instruments of His peace and love in a world that desperately needs both.
